It’s good not to takeyourself tooseriously, as evidenced by this archival version of “The QuackOfficial Biography” that was distributed to friends and fans—andactually made it into print in some newspapers—in the early1990s.

Theroad to rock’n’roll mediocrityhas not been an easy one for The Quack. Arduous, tortuous, and attimes nauseous, the band’s long trek from its inauspiciousbeginnings to it inauspicious present is a lesson in misbegottenperseverance.

Foundedin 1961 in Waycross, Ga., as asix-piece gospel steel-drum band, The Quack forged an unprecedentedsound during almost three days of tireless rehearsal. Encouraged totry their luck elsewhere by neighbors and others who had heard themplay, the band soon hit the road. Nineteen months and five gigslater, The Quack abandoned the gospel steel-drum format in search ofa more commercially viable line-up; they soon settled on threeharmonicas, two banjos, and kettledrums. The new line-up gave theband a truly unique sound, a wide reputation, and no bookings.

Frustratedby its struggle foracceptance, The Quack shunned an offer to take up conventionalinstruments and back an unknown folk singer named Bob Zimmerman,opting instead to risk the last of its dwindling funds on recordingits rock opera for dulcimer, flute, and castanets. Overcome by thegroundswell of apathy which greeted the records release, the band’sdog died and the members went their separate ways.

However,the band began resurfacing inthe late ‘60s and early ‘70s, performing at a list of venues thatreads like (but only “like”) the roster of rock’n’rolllandmarks. The band played Woodstock (Illinois), Montreaux (WestVirginia), Altamont (Tennessee), and even headlined the Ned SullivanShow (WROT-AM, Del Rio, Texas).

Thedisco craze of the mid-1970s droveThe Quack underground again. (Rumors said several of the members werein music-crisis therapy or de-tox, and at least one had his eardrumssurgically removed rather than listen to another minute of thattrash.) However, the band re-emerged stronger than ever in the early1980s.

Undauntedby the cancellation of itsFalklands Islands tour and the slow sales of its Arabic-languageversion of “God Bless America,” The Quack regrouped on unfamiliarground; with guitars in hand, the band took refuge in ‘50s and ‘60srock’n’roll, and some rockin’ original tunes. People began toactually listen (or at least stopped running out of Quack shows inpanic).

Disoriented by the prospect of success, The Quack tried to sabotage itself by increasing the size of its road show. After a fruitless search for a nine-piece bagpipe corps to accompany them on the road, the band settled for attaching The Decoy Brass, and itinerant quartet of horn players. (The original Decoy Brass included reformed jug player, two dropouts from a study-by-mail school for fox-hunting buglers, and one player who had actually earned a dishonorable discharge from a Salvation Army band. Details of their previous accomplishments—especially the incident involving the Tupelo Police Department—are best left to the imagination.) Like so many Quack endeavors, the experiment in self-destruction failed, and the horns became one of the highlights of the show.

And so the legend of The Quack lives on. The current Quack line-up is a powerhouse, pounding out dance hits and originals in its patented “fence-of-sound” style. (“It’s like Phil Spector’s legendary ‘wall of sound,’ but with occasional gaps,” one band member explained.) The band’s road gear now weighs over two tons (including the band members, of course) and features over a dozen instruments, some of which the members actually know how to play. The Quack’s creatively paced stage show alternates periods when the band rips through several hot tunes in rapid sequence with dramatic periods of silence when no one (in the audience or on stage) knows what the next song might be.

Todate, The Quack has accumulated fourand one-half wives, two and one-half ex-wives, nine children (sevensons and two daughters), three sailboats, 19 guitars, 2 ½ setsof drums, a trailer, and over a ton of used sound equipment. The bandhas become a party favorite in central Kentucky and—although it hasreached a level where its members can keep a straight face whenasking to be paid for performing—it often donates its services tocharities, including the Special Olympics and the American HeartAssociation.

Despitethe long list of trials andtribulations, The Quack continues to stand by the guarantee it alwaysmakes to its audiences: “If The Quack is on the bandstand and youdon’t have fun, we guarantee it’s your own fault.”

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2006 Update: Five of the 10 Quack members at the time this biography was written are still in today’s 11-piece version of the band. Since “The Legend” was written, the tally of wives/exes has grown a bit more tangled, the list of husband(s) is promising, and the list of children has expanded substantially. Several of the children now have their own bands. (There are even rumors of grandchildren but no one will confirm this on the record). The Quack integrated and went co-ed -- twice. The trailer was replaced by a bigger trailer which, in turn, was replaced by a big ol’ truck. The ton of sound equipment is now over two tons. The sailboats are gone. The number of guitars is now astronomical. Including horns, basses, keyboards, mandolins, violins, etc., the Quack Collection now totals well over 100 fine musical instruments (and one banjo).

Since “The Legend,” band has progressed from being “a party favorite in Central Kentucky” to playing venues in Kentucky, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, and Ohio, for audiences of up to 10,000. The band actually has an accountant (who begged us not to publish his name here) and everybody loves everybody else (most of the time).

The band owes a tip of the hat to past members “Little” Jimmy Cox, Leta Davis, Lowell King, Scott Rion, Mike Baker, and Mills Rouse, each of whom contributed to the band’s journey from there and then to here and now. Baker and Rouse were founding members and mainstays of the group for 20 years.  Scott Rion deserves especial credit for keeping The Quack in time and on beat for over a decade.  And Jimmy Cox didyeoman’s service as lead vocalist for eight years. All played important roles in The Quack’s climb to . . . to . . . to wherever it is we are now.